Airplanes & Hospitals
by fphp
Summary: EPILOGUE added. A visit from Neela's brother changes Ray and Neela's lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

7

_Notes: Hi! I'm an only child and I've always wanted siblings, so I thought it would be nice to bring in Neela's younger brother and see how he shakes things up a bit. This takes place somewhere in Season 11, but we're pretending there's no Michael. I have a vague idea of where this is going, so bear with me. And as always, thank you so much for reading. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own ER. Did you really think I did?_

Ray slowly walked up the stairs and began the trek down the long hallway towards the apartment. It had been one of the longest days he had ever had at the hospital; 36 hours, 6 traumas, and 8 deaths later, he was almost at his door. _Finally_. Slipping his keys in the door, he gently opened it so as not to wake Neela—it was almost two in the morning.

It was completely dark…or so Ray thought until he glimpsed a small candle burning on the coffee table and the soft sound of the television, barely audible unless you were sitting right in front of it. Tiptoeing towards the couch, he found Neela doing exactly that: sitting cross-legged in front of the television, blanket wrapped around her, watching "Silence of the Lambs" and poised to cover her eyes at the slightest indication of a scary part. She looked so cute Ray couldn't help but laugh out loud at the sight of her. Neela hadn't heard him come in, and as a result, she jumped a mile into the air at the sound of his laughter just behind her.

"Jeez! Ray! You scared me half to death, I'm watching 'Silence of the Lambs' and you come up behind me without saying a word! At least make some noise next time."

Ray smiled mischievously. "You know, normally you tell me to make less noise, but if you insist…"

"Ray!" Neela had thought Hannibal Lector was behind her and Ray was standing here cracking jokes.

"Sorry," Ray said in a genuine tone. "I promise I'll make sure you know when I'm home next time."

Neela had been about to respond when suddenly, with one swift movement, she covered her eyes with the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders. Neela wasn't one to shriek during scary movies; covering her eyes did the trick, though. Ray always made sure that there was a blanket on the couch whenever they watched anything remotely scary on television together. He had teased her about it endlessly—he found it utterly amusing that his strong-willed, fiery roommate could be so frightened of men with chainsaws and cannibal psychologists.

Neela couldn't take it anymore—she pulled the blanket down from her eyes and scurried to turn off the television before she saw anything else. Ray and Neela were plunged into darkness.

"I'll get the lights," Ray offered.

"Thanks," Neela replied. She picked herself up and walked toward the kitchen while saying, "Umm, I ordered some pizza earlier. There's tons left over in the fridge if you're hungry. Extra anchovies," she added with a smile.

Ray returned the smile and plopped himself down at the kitchen table. "That sounds really good after having had half of a sandwich at noon yesterday."

"Yikes, busy shift?" Neela said as she placed two plates on the table and stuck the leftover pizza slices in the middle.

"You have no idea," Ray responded as he began devouring his first slice. "How was your day?"

"It was alright. My younger brother called from England to say that he was coming to visit next week. We haven't seen each other in more than two years, and he's on holiday for a few days so…" Neela said all of this a little too fast than she intended; she was afraid Ray wouldn't be okay with it.

She was pleasantly surprised. "That's cool. He's the one you help put through school, right?" Ray said calmly, now intently working on his second slice.

"Yeah, that's him." Neela didn't know what else to say.

"How old is he?" Ray said, curious to know if he'd be babysitting or taking him out for drinks. He didn't exactly know _how much_ younger Neela's brother was.

"He's 14," Neela replied. Ray's breath caught in his throat and his brows unconsciously furrowed as he heard Neela's words; a distant memory flooded his brain. A soft, youthful voice was ringing in his ears…

_Ray, can you show me how to shoot free throws? The kids at school make fun of me because I keep shooting air balls…_

_Alright come here, give me ball. It's really simple okay, you just bend your knees a little and line up your fingers right there…_

"Ray? Ray, are you okay?" Neela had never seen such a pained and drawn look on Ray's face before. It worried her.

"Uh what? Yeah, yeah I'm fine, sorry just a little tired that's all." Ray had no other excuse. He suddenly didn't feel like eating anymore.

"Are you sure?" It was Neela's turn to furrow her eyebrows.

"I'm sure. I think I'm going to turn in," was all he managed before dazedly getting up from the kitchen table and began walking to his room. All Neela could do was watch him and wonder if it had been something she said.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Neither Ray nor Neela brought up the issue of Ray's sudden mood change that night. In fact, Neela began to wonder whether she had just dreamt the entire episode. She was too preoccupied to worry about it, however, because her brother was arriving in less than 24 hours and she was still busy trying to clean the apartment enough to at least make it presentable. She doubted he would care, but he certainly wouldn't appreciate Ray's dirty clothes on the couch nor Neela's books stacked so high on the coffee table that they covered the front of the television set. Despite their age gap, Neela and her brother got along well and she was more than excited to see him. She wasn't too worried about him getting along with Ray either—they were definitely two very different people, but she was sure they would find _something_ to talk about. Or at least she hoped they would.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"So what time is he getting in?" Ray asked Neela, both of them standing near the admit desk and attempting to finish charting before the end of their shift.

"Eight-thirty. It's a really long flight; I just hope he's sane and awake enough to grab his bags and wait near the door of the terminal," Neela responded with a slight chuckle.

"Well I'm going home after my shift, but if you need anything—like take-out—let me know," Ray stated with a look that said '_You didn't cook, did you?_' Both he and Neela knew the horrors of airplane food all too well.

"Thank you for the offer, but I actually did cook this morning…and don't look at me like that, Ray, I know my food probably isn't the best, but it's something…Ray, stop rolling your eyes, I'm serious…"

O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Neela didn't think she'd be at the airport on time, but lo and behold, she had actually arrived a whole ten minutes early. She spent the time wondering how much her brother must have changed since the last time she saw him—he had been thin and slightly taller than she was, with a light in his eyes that could brighten a room.

She didn't have to wonder for too long because before she could look up, he was walking up to her—duffle bag strung over his shoulder—with a smile she hadn't seen in far too long. He had changed so much in two years that she didn't know she was staring at the right person until he flashed his smile at her and said her name.

"Neela! It's so good to see you," he said as he dropped his bag on the floor and embraced his sister in a huge bear hug. Neela was in utter shock—he was only 14, but at almost 6 feet tall he looked much older. The last time she had seen him, his shoulders were just about as broad as hers were and now he was enveloping her in a hug that almost covered her entire body.

"Oh my God, Jamail, what have you been eating? Don't tell me you're taking those protein shakes your friends were telling you about, because you know they're not good for you…" Neela didn't even stop to say a proper '_hi, how are you?_'

All Jamail could do was laugh. "Neela, relax. I've just been working out a little bit, that's all." Seeing the look in his sister's eyes he added, "No protein shakes, I promise."

"Alright, as long as you know not to drink them…man, it's so nice to see you! How's everything? How are mum, dad, everyone?"

"They're fine, they sent you homemade spices and some other stuff—I've got it all in my bag. You know how mum is…" Both Jamail and Neela rolled their eyes and let out a laugh that sounded almost exactly alike. They headed out of the door and began walking toward Neela's car.

"So how are you? Do I have to officially call you 'Dr. Rasgotra' now, cause you know that sounds bloody awful." It felt good to tease his sister after not having done so for ages. He was planning on doing plenty of it during the next week.

"Very funny. What about you, Mr.I-can't-fit-through-the-doorway-I'm-so-damn-tall?" She didn't realize it until that moment, but she had missed her brother tremendously these past two years.

Jamail laughed and looked at Neela with playful eyes. "So umm, is Ray okay with me staying at your place? Cause you know I wouldn't want to come between…"

Neela stopped him before he went any further. "Oh don't be an idiot, Jamail…don't look at me like that, I'm serious, we're just friends."

"Yeah alright," was all Jamail said. He placed his bag in the trunk of Neela's car and they both proceeded to get in. They spent the duration of the ride home talking about all of the developments back home—what their parents were up to, who had been married, who had finished school, and all those other little things that Jamail knew Neela would want to know. They were in front of the apartment before either of them knew it.

Stepping over the threshold and through the door, Neela and Jamail found Ray huddled on the couch sound asleep, Neela's blanket wrapped around him in the cold winter weather. Neela let a slight smile spread across her face, which Jamail promptly caught.

"I knew it!" he whispered while glaring at Neela.

"Jamail, shut up," was Neela's response. Not paying attention to where she was going, Neela promptly tripped over Jamail's duffle bag and landed squarely on the floor with a thud, waking Ray. Jamail bent over laughing so hard he had to clutch his stomach while Neela franticly tried to pick herself up off the floor and dust herself off. Ray looked at the two of them and felt like he had missed something.

Quickly getting off the couch, Ray neatly folded Neela's blanket back in place. He cleared his throat as he walked over to Neela's brother and said, "Uh hi, I'm Ray, Neela's roommate…"

Reaching out to shake Ray's hand, Jamail replied, "Hi, I'm Jamail…my friends call me Jay." Jamail knew how to read people—just from Ray's introduction he could tell that he was going to like this guy. "It's nice to finally meet you, Neela talks about you all the time," and with that Jamail winked ever-so-slightly at Neela, who returned the favor by giving him her death stare.

Ray laughed; he felt slightly nervous but he had no idea why. "Well, good things I hope," was all that came out of his mouth.

Ray had never seen pictures of Neela's family; the only place she kept them was in her room and he liked to respect her privacy. But there was something about Jay that somehow made him feel like he'd met him before, or that they had known each other for a while. He and Neela looked very much alike—_they have the same smile_—but the bright green of Jay's eyes surprised him. In fact, they were the same shade of green as…Ray stopped himself before he could finish the thought. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, just like the night he and Neela were sitting at the kitchen table; Ray didn't want that to happen again. He wasn't going to drudge up memories that it had taken ten years to forget, and he really didn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of Neela's brother.

Neela's voice put an end to his musings. "So are you hungry? I made some lentil soup this morning…" The incredulous look on Jamail's face made Neela trail off what she was saying. "…why is it so utterly surprising that I cooked? Ray gave me the same face today…" At this point Ray and Jay exchanged knowing looks and instantly burst into laughter at Neela's obvious irritation. "…I mean I'd like to see you try cooking this stuff…" She was stopped by the gentleness in Jay's voice.

"Listen Neela, it's no big deal, okay? I'm really not picky. Anything you have in the fridge is fine—you know, leftover pizza, sandwich, anything."

Ray spoke up before Neela could go off again. "We've got some pizza in the fridge, if you like extra anchovies?"

Jamail's eyes lit up. "Love 'em."

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Jamail devoured the pizza like nothing she had ever seen…well…maybe except for Ray's eating habits. The three of them were sitting at the table, talking about Chicago and the city life and how different Jamail and Neela's small English neighborhood is. Neela was amazed at how much her brother had grown over the past few years, not just physically but emotionally. He had never been the rebellious type, but there had been those moments when she had wondered if he would ever stop to think before he acted—_like the time he rode his bike all the way to the next town to find…wait, what was he looking for?_ He had been a kid then, but even though he was only 14, Neela knew he wasn't a kid now.

"You can have my room, Jamail, I'll sleep on the couch." He was on vacation and Neela wanted him to at least be able to sleep in without hearing the racket she and Ray made in the morning.

"As tempting as that sounds, I think I'd rather sleep on the couch. I don't know how I'd feel sleeping under purple sheets," and with that he shot Neela a fake grimace.

"Alright suit yourself." Neela rose from the table to gather up the dishes as Ray and Jamail did the same. They were all completely worn out, not least of all Jamail who had not slept in the last 24 hours.

After making sure her brother was comfortable, Neela said goodnight. Ray turned in just a few minutes afterwards. Slowly closing the door of her room, all Neela could think was, _I wonder what this week will bring_.


	2. Chapter 2

6

_Notes: Hi! This is Chapter 2 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." I'm enjoying writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it. That's the way it's supposed to work, isn't it? Let me know what you think!_

_Disclaimer: No, I don't own ER. I guess I sort of own Jamail, though._

"Neela? Ray? It's 7:45, you guys are going to be late!" Jamail felt like his mother yelling for Neela to hurry up for school; it was not a cool feeling. Unfortunately for Jamail, both Ray and Neela worked all day today, and not wanting to leave him at home by himself, they had decided to take him to work. For his part, Jamail didn't want to stay home either and he certainly wasn't going to wander around Chicago by himself. Neela and Jamail had spent the first two days sightseeing, and despite the blistering cold, the bright glow of the sun encouraged the pair not to leave a leaf unturned—they had gone to places that Neela had not even seen and she'd been living in the city for a while now. Jamail loved the vibrancy of the city, and they spent a small chunk of the day exploring the different parks and gardens that Chicago had to offer. Nevertheless, that didn't mean he actually knew where he was going.

Getting ready to bellow out Neela's name again, Jamail stopped himself just as Neela and Ray came bursting out of their respective rooms at the same time, bags in hand and fingers ready to grab the car keys. _About time_, he thought. _I wonder what their boss is like. I hope they don't get chewed out for being late… _

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"Barnett! How many times have I told you that this is a hospital, not a rock concert—you can't show up whenever you feel like it. And Neela, you better watch it I think he's rubbing off on you." Weaver was in a foul mood this morning, and Ray and Neela just made it worse. _So much for not getting chewed out_, thought Jamail.

Attempting to brighten up the mood, Jamail forced his hand into Weaver's and said, "Hi, I'm Jamail, Neela's brother. I'm visiting for the week from Britain."

Weaver seemed temporarily stunned before regaining her composure. The beaming smile on his face seemed to relieve her anger, and she returned the expression with her own smile. "Nice to meet you, Jamail."

"I was wondering—Dr. Weaver—if I could maybe shadow some of the doctors? See if I want to go into medicine some day?" Jamail was bluntly trying to kiss up, but it was for a good cause.

"Sure, I don't see why not. Normally you have to be a volunteer, but I think we can make an exception." Weaver had clearly been won over.

"Great, thank you," Jamail replied with another disarming smile. Weaver walked off without another word, forgetting why she had been raving mad a few minutes earlier.

"Suck up," Neela said to her brother with a smirk.

"Hey it got her to stop barking at you, didn't it?" to which Neela looked at her brother with a smile and a look that said reluctantly, 'Yeah it did.'

"Thanks, man," was Ray's response. He'd had his head bitten off by Weaver too many times not to appreciate what Jamail had done.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

The debacle with Weaver and all of the new faces Jamail met temporarily caused him to forget where he was—Jamail was in a hospital, a place he had been many times before. The bright fluorescent lights and the constant buzzing and beeping of monitors were all too familiar…but Neela didn't need to know that. At least not yet.

"Jay, you want to see a shoulder popped back into place?" Ray chimed in with a gleam in his eyes, interrupting Jamail's thoughts.

"Oooo, yeah," was what came out of Jamail's mouth. _This is going to be a very interesting day._

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Neela was bummed. The only thought in her mind all day had been how much she was looking forward to spending the night relaxing at home with Ray and Jamail, which meant having dinner and generally just hanging out on the couch. And just as she's getting ready to sneak out ten minutes early, Weaver manages to find her and tell her she's working a double. Not asking. Telling. _Great._

Jamail and Ray found her wallowing in her frustration at the admit desk, a scowl on her face and a chart in hand as if ready to smack someone with it.

"Neela, you ready?" Ray could see she was angry, but at what—or who—he didn't know. He just hoped it wasn't him.

Neela's voice was seething with annoyance. "No, I'm not because _someone_ is making me work a double." Looking up at Jamail, she felt her anger turn into disappointment. "Jamail, I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it. You're a doctor; doctors have shitty hours." Once again, Jamail's reassuring eyes and that mild-mannered smile managed to do the trick. Ray added, "Yeah, we'll have a guys' night," allowing Neela a comforting feeling that at least she wasn't leaving him completely alone. Ray would be there.

"Alright well, I'll see you guys tomorrow then," a little less forlornly than before. "Have fun," she added with a weak smile.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

After two days of hanging out with Jamail, Ray felt like they had become roommates. He enjoyed having Jamail around—Ray didn't know if it was his youth, his humor, or just the fact that he was Neela's brother, but it was as if the apartment was a happier place with him in it. Even Neela felt it. She had found her long-lost sibling; Jamail brought out a side of Neela that Ray thought didn't exist—she was like a little kid, telling her brother about the cool procedure she got to do at work or teasing him about the girls at school. He had never heard her use the word "man" before either; it sounded funny coming from Neela.

Despite all the fun they were having, there was one problem: Ray had begun to suffer from intermittent anxiety attacks. They started the night Neela told him Jay was coming to visit, and had become slightly worse when he arrived, but Ray couldn't think of a reason why. Well, maybe one reason…but every time that voice—soft, slightly high-pitched—entered his thoughts, Ray would automatically shut off the motor in his mind. That voice haunted his days, and it was all because of Jay's green eyes.

"So what movie are we watching tonight?" Jamail said cheerfully, plopping himself down on the couch next to Ray.

Ray veered himself back into reality. "I went digging through my pile of movies and through Neela's and all I found was 'Scary Movie' and 'The Exorcist.'

"Let's watch 'Scary Movie,'" Jamail said all too quickly. He clearly wasn't a fan of horror movies. _Like sister, like brother. _Ray smiled.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"So Jay, I never asked you, do you have a girlfriend?" They had moved to the floor after popping in the movie, and were now sitting with their backs against the couch, happily chowing down on popcorn.

"Unfortunately for me, no I don't. I think life is too…intense…as it is, and girls just complicate things." Jamail didn't add that spending most of his time at the hospital wasn't really conducive to having a girlfriend.

"That's not always true. I can think of plenty of times that…" _that what, Ray? That things didn't get complicated because one-night-stands aren't complicated?_ Ray didn't dare finish his sentence, and instead thought of something else. "Well I bet British girls are hotter than American girls," Ray said a little more to himself than to Jay. Quickly realizing that Neela was a British girl, he attempted to remedy what he had just said. It was true Jay was only 14, but he was still her brother and Ray knew that brothers are _always_ protective. "I didn't mean…"

"Ray, I'm her brother not her father." _I'm not blind; I know it's going to happen sooner or later. Sooner would be preferable, though._ Jamail knew Neela like only a sibling can, and he could see more than friendship in her eyes when she looked at her roommate. The part of him that had become Ray's friend wanted to tell him that, but the part that was also Neela's brother told him that he needed to respect her privacy. She would tell him when she was ready.

"Having said that, though, I should warn you that I am a black belt and any future phone call I get with my sister on the line crying will prompt me to kick your ass."

"Right, of course." Ray and Jamail burst out laughing, but both knew that Jamail was only partially kidding. The funny thing was, Ray was okay with it. _Because I would never make her cry_…he stopped himself. _Where was this coming from?_

Ray was saved from his thoughts by the urgency in Jamail's voice. "Ray, can I ask you a question?" Jamail's face had a gravity that made him look much older than he was; he looked at Ray intently.

"Yeah, go ahead." He felt slightly apprehensive about not being able to answer his question.

"Do you believe in heaven?" Ray had expected to hear something like, _'Why did you become a doctor?'_ or maybe even _'What's it like to be in a band?'_ Nothing like this.

"Umm…yeah, I guess so. Why?" He didn't where this was going, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

Jamail chose his words carefully. "Well, when family members die all you really know is that you won't see them again, right? But if you believe in heaven, then there's this hope that someday you will. It sort of…makes things better, I guess."

Ray felt as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs—out of nowhere, he was having an anxiety attack. He was gasping, attempting to gulp in air, and all the while that voice—the voice of a young boy—rang through his ears, at once soft and sad.

"Ray! Are you okay? Ray?" Jamail was wide-eyed and frantic, not knowing what to do. "Just take slow, deep breaths, maybe that'll help."

Jamail's voice pushed Ray back into the reality of his situation, and he managed to regulate his breathing in little time. _How did I lose it so quickly?_

"Umm, listen, maybe I should go to bed." As with Neela, Ray felt like there was nothing else he could say—he could give no explanation.

"Okay…you sure you don't want to go to the hospital or anything?" Jamail was still a bit freaked out, and he really didn't want something to happen while he was sleeping. _Neela would kill me…_

"What? No, no I'm fine. I just need to get some sleep, that's all." Ray was in his bedroom less than two minutes later.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

It was 4 in the morning and all Neela wanted to do was get into bed and pass out. Weaver had been merciful enough to let her leave half-a-shift early, and as a result, she was now gently setting her bag on the floor and taking off her coat, happy to be home at last.

Looking around the apartment, Neela noticed the bowl of popcorn on the counter and the couch pillows on the floor. Jamail was sprawled on the couch, arms wrapped around his pillow in the same way that Ray wrapped his arms around his pillow when he fell asleep on the couch. Neela had always thought it was cute. _Since when do I say 'cute'? And since when do I use it to describe Ray?_

Neela put an end to the debate in her mind and proceeded to walk to her room. A few minutes later she was standing in the kitchen in her pajamas, drinking half a cup of tea in a hurry. She had intended to go straight to bed, but realizing that you can take the girl out of Britain but you can't take Britain out of the girl, she trudged into the kitchen for her late-night ritual. Sipping the last remnants of her cup, Neela placed it in the sink and tiptoed slowly towards her room. As she passed Ray's room, however, she heard something that made her stop dead in her tracks.

6


	3. Chapter 3

5

_Notes: Hi! This is Chapter 3 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." I really appreciate all the reviews and the threats to hogtie my muses for another chapter—I'm glad you're enjoying it! I know this is a little short, but I hope it lives up to expectations…_

_Disclaimer: I don't own ER, but Jamail and Josh I do own._

"_No! Josh! Josh, look at me! You're a fighter, Josh, I know you are! No! Don't take him away yet, please, he's going to be okay! Josh…" _

_Ray was leaning over the body, his tear-stained eyes looking into the young, calm face before him. There were people all around him—teachers, students—none with the courage to tell Ray that he was gone, that there was nothing else anyone could do. This couldn't be happening, not to him…not to his little brother. _

"_Josh, please…don't leave me. Josh! No! No, please…"_

Ray awoke to the soft touch of a hand on his arm and the sound of his name. He was drenched in sweat and tears, his throat dry and aching from the seemingly endless nightmare he had been living in his mind. He had forgotten how incredibly horrid these dreams had been; the nightmare was as bad as it was ten years ago, if not worse.

"Ray? Are you okay?" Neela asked gently, afraid of having overstepped her boundaries by coming into his room but knowing that she couldn't let him continue his wailing. It was painful to see him in such anguish. _That must have been one horrible nightmare…_

"What…Neela? Uh, I'm sorry if I woke you…but I'm fine. It's no big deal…" Ray hated having Neela see him like this—it was humiliating. She was sitting on the side of his bed, her eyebrows furrowed and a troubled look on her face. He immediately sat up and began wiping his face.

"Ray, your face is stained with tears, your hair is drenched in sweat, and from outside your room it sounded like you were yelling and crying at the same time. That's not 'no big deal.'" Neela kept her voice low and calm. She knew Ray's ego may not want her to be there, but she wasn't letting him push her out of the door that easily.

Ray was contemplating repeating his reassurance more firmly, but just as he was about to tell Neela to leave she made her move.

"Ray, who's Josh?" Neela's eyes were fixed on her roommate, a concerned yet firm tone to her voice. Her hand was still resting softly on his arm.

"He's nobody," Ray said quickly, avoiding Neela's gaze. Josh was part of another life, one that ended the moment Ray stepped out of his mother's house, and he wasn't about to relive the past after he had spent so long trying to forget.

"If he was nobody you wouldn't be having dreams about him," Neela said rationally. He needed to talk about this, even if he didn't want to. "Who's Josh?"

"Neela just forget about it, okay? He's nobody." Maybe if he kept repeating it, he would actually begin to believe the lie he had been telling Neela. She wasn't fooled, however.

"Who's Josh, Ray?" Neela clearly wasn't going to let this go; she suddenly didn't feel sleepy anymore.

Riled at his roommate's stubbornness, Ray took a deep breath and made a decision. _Fine, if you really want to know…_

"Josh was my younger brother." He hoped she would take his answer and leave it at that. Sure enough, he was sorely disappointed.

_Was?_ "I didn't know you had a brother, Ray. What happened?" _Why are you having nightmares about him?_

"He…he died when I was 17. At school." Something seemed to suddenly snap inside Ray, a mental barrier lifted. It was as if saying those simple words made him…want to keep going, keep talking. He had never said 'he died' out loud before.

"Oh my God…I'm so sorry Ray." Neela wanted to ask how it happened, but as if seeing the change in his eyes, she felt he would tell her in his own way. She couldn't imagine losing a sibling…she thought of Jamail and a sudden urge to hug him overwhelmed her.

"Josh was born with cystic fibrosis. My mom stayed home to take care of him, and when he started going to school I sort of looked after him. We were…" Ray's voice trembled as a tear rolled gently down his cheek. He had never told anyone this before, and a part of him hated that Neela had to sit there and listen. Ray had pushed Josh out of his mind for so long that thinking about him now produced an avalanche of emotions that he couldn't control.

"…we were really close. Even though he was sick all the time, we still hung out together…basketball was his favorite sport. I taught him how to shoot free throws…" A weak smile spread across Ray's face. This was the first time that Ray had smiled when thinking about Josh since his death, a signal of the start of a process that would be sure to heal the old wounds he was hiding underneath his cool cover.

"He just collapsed at school one day and that was it. He was 14 when he died." A tremor ran through Neela as she heard his words. Putting two and two together, she now realized why Ray had been so upset when she told him Jamail's age. As if to physically see the thoughts running through Neela's mind, Ray attempted to explain himself.

"Neela, that night you told me Jay was coming to visit, I sort of freaked because it reminded me of my own brother. I've pretended that he didn't exist for so long that…it took just one sentence to put me in shock." Ray's eyes reflected a depth that Neela had never seen before; all she wanted to do was make his pain go away. And this time, she wasn't ashamed of her thoughts.

"And Jay's eyes…my brother's eyes were the same color…" Ray's voice had calmed to little more than a whisper. "My mother…she fell apart after he died. She just couldn't…I wasn't there for her, I couldn't help her…just like I couldn't help Josh. My dad left, and my mom remarried…my stepfather treated me like crap, so I left…but I should have stayed…and all I could do was just pretend Josh didn't exist, pretend I didn't have a brother…"

He was sitting next to her on his bed, his shoulders hunched, looking at her with agony in his eyes. Neela couldn't take it anymore—she had to do something. Not knowing what else she could do, Neela turned toward him and slowly placed her arms around him, enveloping Ray in a hug that exuded friendship, sympathy, and compassion. And…love. Ray seemed to feel it the instant Neela's eyes looked into his, without a word.

The tears began to roll freely now, all the guilt, sadness, and pain flowing out of his body and into Neela's, as if to share his burden. He felt like the weight of ten years had been lifted from his heart and a place had been created for something new.

Freeing himself from her embrace, Ray positioned his eyes on Neela and felt a wave of emotion run through him. Her face was glistening with tears as she returned his gaze. Refusing to hold himself back, Ray slowly leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Neela's lips. He said what he had wanted to say without words: _Thank you._

Neela smiled, her hand moving to brush away the remnant of a tear on his face. _You're welcome._

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Jamail had heard the wailing at the same time that Neela had, but seeing her walk into Ray's room stopped him from doing the same. He hoped Ray was okay, but at the same time, felt like something good was going to come out of whatever he was dealing with. Sure enough, he awoke the next morning to find Ray and Neela sitting at the kitchen table looking awfully…cozy. He had pulled the blanket halfway over his head and pretended to go back to sleep, but less than 10 seconds later, he was more than a little surprised to catch Neela giving Ray a gentle kiss on the cheek before getting up to go to her room. _It's about time_, he thought with a smile.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"So Neela, did you sleep well last night?" Jamail had a hint of a grin in his voice as he looked at Neela across the table while eating his cereal.

"Umm, yeah I did…did you?" Neela was a little taken aback at his question; it wasn't something he usually asked her.

"Yeah, but I had the weirdest dream…I dreamt that you and Ray were sitting at the kitchen table…really close together…"

"Okay wise guy, just spit it out." Her brother could be really annoying sometimes. Then again, most brothers were.

Jamail looked at her with a knowing look. "All I want to say is…I'm happy for you. And I like him, he's a good guy."

Neela suddenly felt as if her younger brother had become an older brother overnight. It was actually very sweet. "Thanks," she said with a smile that revealed her newfound happiness.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Ray was working today, and Neela and Jamail had decided to spend the day at the park reigniting some of their soccer rivalry. Neela had played on her school team in Britain, and was one of the star players of the team. Jamail had followed in her footsteps and was now the top scorer for his team as well. Every time either of them visited, the two couldn't go without at least one game of one-on-one to put up on their perpetual tally board of wins and losses. It was a tradition.

"I hope you've brought your cleats because they're going to be the only thing left after I smoke you." Neela's eyes were burning with competitive fire.

"Oh yeah? Bring it on, old lady…" The one thing he knew would get his sister riled up was being called old by her 14-year-old brother. It did the trick every time.

"You didn't just call me old, you little…" Jamail ran with the soccer ball before Neela could finish her sentence, but not losing a moment, Neela ran after him in her sweatshirt and shorts, ready to make him pay.

Thirty minutes and two goals later Jamail was running across the field with the ball, with Neela blazing behind him and almost at his heels. She hadn't played this hard in far too long, and she was enjoying it more than words could express.

Expertly maneuvering the ball with his feet, Jamail broke into a run again in an attempt to shake Neela off his tail. But just as he was about to kick the ball into the goal, he felt an overwhelming sense of dizziness surround him as darkness forced his eyes shut—Jamail had collapsed.


	4. Chapter 4

6

_Notes: Hi! This is Chapter 4 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." I have to reiterate how much I enjoy reading your reactions to this story. All of the swearing, the threats…I love it! I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much. I'm writing this as I go along, but please know that there is more to come as soon as life permits. Thank you again! (Also, I've noticed that sometimes there appears a number at the very top of the page and I have no idea why—please pay no attention to it if you see it.)_

_Disclaimer: I'm so fed up with the writers of ER that if I owned the show I would have fired all of them by now and done all the writing myself. And where would Ray and Neela be? They would be TOGETHER and HAPPY, a seemingly foreign concept to aforementioned writers. Needless to say, I don't own ER. (Sorry for the angry outburst…)_

Neela watched in horror as Jamail collapsed to the ground just a few feet from the goal. It first struck her that perhaps he was playing some sort of trick, waiting for her to come close so he could tackle her like he used to when he was younger. _But he wouldn't joke like that now, would he? _ Neela's heart quickened with fear as she began running toward her brother, not caring if he tackled her as long as he was okay.

"Jamail?" she said uncertainly as she reached him, not knowing whether to expect an answer or not. Not receiving one, Neela's first reaction was to panic, tears surging in her eyes. She had saved countless lives as a doctor—always calm and collected—but nothing compared to seeing someone she loved helplessly lying on the ground. Just as Neela's brain seemed to kick into gear, however, Jamail's eyes fluttered open almost hesitantly.

Seeing Neela's tear-stained eyes and her body hovering over his, Jamail instantly sat up despite the enormous throbbing headache he now had. He winced as he felt the dizziness return. _Bloody hell_.

"Jamail, are you okay?! What happened?" Neela's features were twisted with a mixture of relief and concern as she peered at her brother with a slightly doctor-like gaze.

"Umm…I think I may be dehydrated..." Jamail voiced the first thought that came to his mind; it was the most convincing diagnosis he could come up with. He just hoped Neela wouldn't ask too many questions.

"Are you sure? You've been drinking water pretty regularly…and we haven't been playing for that long." Neela's words seemed to brush past Jamail; he was busy trying to figure out how to deceive his sister. _Why does she have to be a doctor?_

"My throat's kind of dry…I think if I just have a drink I'll feel better. Could you bring me my water bottle, Neela?" Jamail's next tactic was to stall for time in order to contemplate what to do next. Although Neela didn't look convinced, she wasn't about to delay getting him a drink by asking more questions; they would have to wait.

"Yeah, I'll go get it from the car. I'll be back in a second, okay?" Feeling anxious about leaving her brother alone even for the slightest period of time after what had just happened, Neela ran as fast as she could to the parking lot to get his water. Jamail absently ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

_This wasn't supposed to happen while I was here—what am I going to tell her now? She's going to want to take me to the hospital…and after all the tests and all the scans, she'll find out…_

Neela sprinted back to where Jamail was sitting on the grass, his water bottle in hand. Reassured that he now had what he had asked for, Neela began her informal examination by picking up her questions from where she had left off. "Jamail, did you feel dizzy or nauseous just before you collapsed? Any head or neck pain?"

"Look Neela, I'm fine now. That water really helped…just give me a few minutes and I'll be up again, okay?" Jamail's voice was calm, fighting not to betray the fear in his heart that he would black out again.

"You can't be sure that it was dehydration, Jamail. The only way we can know what happened is if you answer my questions—did you feel dizzy or nauseous, and do you have any pain?" Neela had had plenty of patients come into the ER and deny that anything was wrong with them, but she didn't think her brother would be one of them.

Feeling reluctant to give away too much information, Jamail told her a small portion of the truth. "Yeah, I felt dizzy just before I collapsed, but that doesn't mean anything. Doesn't everyone feel dizzy before they black out?" Neela was about to answer when Jamail cut her off.

"Listen, it's no big deal. Let's just go home, and if you want, I'll rest on the couch for the rest of the night okay?" Jamail was relying on Neela's motherly instincts to pull him out of this one; maybe if he had some soup…

"What's with this 'no big deal' crap? Is Ray rubbing off on you, too? This is ridiculous, Jamail; you just collapsed in the middle of a soccer match…if you won't answer my questions, then maybe you'll answer someone else's—I'm taking you to the hospital." Neela looked at Jamail with eyes that seemed to echo her determination to find out what was wrong.

"No, no you're not, Neela. I'm not going to the hospital." Jamail dared to return her gaze with an equally defiant one of his own. If she could be stubborn, so could he.

"Yes, you are. They're just going to run some tests and…" Jamail cut his sister off for the second time that day; he usually wasn't this impatient. Neela felt like she was talking to a brick wall.

"I don't _need_ any tests done. LET'S JUST GO HOME." He slowly got up off the grass and took a moment to steady himself before beginning to walk toward Neela's car.

Neela felt the anger rise up into her body as she watched him walk away. "Damn it, Jamail! Why won't you let me help you?"

Jamail stopped and turned to look at his sister, his eyes reflecting a deep well of pain at the newfound realization that there was no way around the truth. Jamail had vowed before coming to Chicago that he wouldn't tell her what he was going through—she didn't need to know. He would visit his sister just like any other brother would, and they would have a good time simply spending a few days together. All he wanted was for Neela to be happy, and telling her the truth would only serve to cause her pain. But circumstances had changed all of that, and Jamail was at a point in time where he didn't know how much longer he could hide the truth.

"Neela, I'm sick."

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

After eight hours of patients with nothing but diarrhea and broken limbs, Ray was ready to go home. He was sitting idly in the doctor's lounge, coffee cup in hand and his mind wandering through the crevices of his life. He had not had occasion to actually absorb everything that had happened in the past few days, and as a result, his mind was now busy attempting to do just that in the amount of down time he had.

Ray had not had a panic attack since last night, a miracle since they had begun to occur every few hours since Jay came to visit. He wasn't surprised at their cessation, however. His talk with Neela had somehow repaired the ten years of self-delusion and ignorance that he had been carrying around in his soul, and he was more than grateful for it. She had understood that he needed to tell someone about this in order for his heart to stop aching endlessly at the mere mention of a sibling, be it by a patient or a friend. Neela had cared enough to be persistent, to refuse to take 'no' for an answer—she hadn't let him continue his howling that night, and the act of walking through his door was all it took to set him down the path of recovery. But perhaps most importantly, it set him down this path with Neela by his side.

Ray couldn't describe the feeling of knowing that someone would be there for him in the most troubled times of his life, the times when he had to deal with things that were beyond his capability to handle. He had never had that before. Thinking about all of his girlfriends over the past few years—well, maybe 'female acquaintances' was a better description—Ray couldn't help but sense that if any of them had witnessed his ordeal last night, they would have run out of the door without a glance over their shoulder. But Neela had stuck around. She had stuck around because she was his best friend, something that he had taken for granted up until that moment. And now they were taking that friendship to a new level, one whose foundation was so strong that he didn't feel even the slightest quiver of a doubt or apprehension about the future. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but it was wonderful.

Thinking about Josh caused Ray's thoughts to turn to his mother, a woman whom he had tried to comfort at a time when he himself couldn't be comforted. It had been so long since he had said Josh's name in her presence…in fact, it had been a while since he had actually even talked to his mother. _I should call her._

Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, Ray proceeded to dial the number he had tucked in the back of his mind for so long but rarely used. He was surprised at how easily his fingers remembered the keys. Three rings later the aged voice of his mother resonated through the line.

"Hello?"

Ray felt the air catch in his throat. He suddenly didn't know what to say. "Uh hi, mom? It's Ray."

Mrs. Barnett couldn't believe her ears. "Ray? Oh my goodness, how are you?" Only a mother could know the feeling of hearing her child's voice after so long.

"I'm fine, mom—how are you?" He just needed to know she was okay; the rest would come later.

"Well I'm grading papers at the moment, so I'm a little bit frustrated, but other than that I'm doing just fine." Her quaint laugh hit Ray's heart like an arrow. He didn't realize how much he had missed hearing it.

"Good." _What do I say now?_

"So what's the news with you? Are you still in that band with Brett?" Mrs. Barnett could never forget her son's high school friend—the one who would occasionally get Ray into trouble—but she knew how close they were and she loved Brett because of it.

"Yeah, I am. We're actually playing a show two days from now. It's a small gig, but it should be fun." Ray was glad she had taken over asking the questions; he had never been one to have lengthy conversations with his parents.

"That's wonderful. How's work? Are you still in the ER?" The last time Ray had called her, he was in his last year of medical school and was still contemplating whether he wanted to work in the ER or not.

"I'm now an official ER doctor, mom, yeah." He couldn't help but smile at the pride in her voice boom through the line as she responded to his declaration.

"Oh Ray, I'm so happy for you. And what about a girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend?" She was certain he did, but that wasn't her question and Ray knew it. Mrs. Barnett's conception of a girlfriend was very different from Ray's—or at least until now. When she said 'girlfriend,' she meant 'serious girlfriend.'

"Umm…yeah, I do." Ray didn't have to think too long about this one. Even though he and Neela had only recently begun to take things further, he felt certain that what they had was 'serious.' He just didn't know how to explain that to anyone else. Ray steadied himself for the onslaught of questions he knew would follow.

"No! Really? What's her name?" He laughed at the girlish excitement she exuded on the line.

"Her name's Neela. She's…we're roommates and we sort of…" Ray didn't know how to end his sentence; how was he to express the friendship that had turned into something else almost overnight?

"Ah, I understand—you were friends first and then…wow, Ray, I'm really proud of you. I don't think you've ever had a girlfriend that truly was a 'friend,' you always just tended to pay attention to the 'girl' part." There was that laugh again.

"Yeah, I think…I think this is different from all those other times, mom…_she's_ different." Ray was suddenly struck with an overwhelming feeling that Mrs. Barnett needed to meet Neela to understand just how beautifully different she was.

As if to read his mind Mrs. Barnett quickly added, "Well, I hope to meet her someday."

"You will." Ray said with a slight air of certainty, taking his mother by surprise.

Ray's eyes turned to his watch as he realized that he had been on break for more than an hour. _Crap_. "Umm, mom? I have to go, I'm at work…"

"Oh okay, sweetie…it's so nice to hear your voice, Ray. Please come and visit me so I can tell you how nice it is to see your face, too! And bring Neela."

Ray laughed. "Okay, I will. I'll talk to you later, mom. Bye."

Josh had brought Ray and Neela together, and now, he had brought Ray and his mother together. Life—and death—never ceased to amaze him.


	5. Chapter 5

7

_Notes: Hi! This is Chapter 5 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." There is more to come, but until then, I sincerely hope you enjoy this one. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and/or read this story—you are truly appreciated. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own ER, unfortunately. If I did, there would certainly be more happy endings._

The words didn't seem to register in Neela's mind. _I'm sick._ What? Sick how?

"Jamail, do you have the flu or something?" Even as she said it, she knew it was much deeper; she had seen it in the way he looked at her, at the immense sadness in his eyes. _Please…please let it be something trivial…_

Jamail began to walk slowly toward his sister, knowing that this was going to be the most difficult conversation of their lives. He wished to God he didn't have to do this to her, but if he didn't tell her now, she would figure it out herself and he knew that would cause her even more pain than if he was there to hold her through it. Jamail took Neela's hand and led her to the area where the bright green grass met the edge of the precipice just above the lake. He gingerly sat down, choosing a spot that allowed them to overlook the dark waters below while still feeling the comfort of the soft grass beneath their bodies. Neela followed suit, not knowing whether to feel comforted or afraid. The one sensation that crept into Neela was the feeling of impatience, which she voiced as soon as she sat down next to her brother. "Jamail, what's going on?"

Taking a deep breath and keeping his eyes on the dark blue water below, Jamail began. "Neela, I…I have a large tumor in my brain. I've been going to the doctor regularly for tests and scans to see if there's any way that they can operate but…it doesn't look like there's any possibility that…that I'll get better…"

Neela couldn't believe this was happening. Her head reeled with images of patients she had seen with the same diagnosis, while simultaneously producing a sort of slideshow of her brother. _No, this has to be some sort of joke…_

"Wha…but, you look fine…and Mum and Dad didn't say anything…you still play soccer, don't you? This has to be some sort of misdiagnosis, Jamail…" Neela was rambling as if her life depended on it.

Jamail's eyes moved to the now-dusky sky, still unable to look at his sister's confused and puzzle-riddled face. "I haven't played soccer for a while now…the tumor is in a region where it causes me to black out, and it's been happening a lot more lately. The coaches told me I could still be on the team, but I can't play." With a genuine chuckle he added, "I'm officially a benchwarmer."

Knowing Neela wanted more answers than just his soccer schedule, he said quietly, "Mum and Dad didn't tell you because I told them not to."

"Why would you do that? I could've done something…I could've come to Britain and talked to your doctors…"

"Neela, it would've only complicated things, don't you see? You wouldn't have been able to do anything and all it would've done was make you feel helpless." There was a pleading tone to his voice that made Neela feel as if her heart was physically breaking in two. Her little brother was trying to protect her, but she still couldn't stop the nagging doubts in her mind.

"But…you could've come to Chicago and seen a doctor here. There are so many new techniques and procedures…" Neela was now the one pleading.

Jamail took another deep breath, trying to remember that acceptance was the most difficult aspect of dealing with a terminal illness. If anyone knew that, it was Jamail. But he had navigated through it and was now in a position to take life one day at a time, living it to the fullest. How was he to explain this to his sister, the one person in the entire world that he had wanted to protect, the person that he wanted to be truly happy?

"There's nothing anyone could've done, Neela."

"But…" Neela began, but Jamail cut her off with a firm tone of voice that he had never used when speaking to her before.

"There's nothing anyone could've done." For the first time he looked her dead in the eye. His eyes were filled with a pain that was unfathomable, but he swore that he wouldn't cry in front of her. Jamail blinked a few times and managed to force the droplets into the back of his eyes.

Neela knew what he was trying to do, and suddenly the realization hit her that this was it—life had dealt her brother a hand that was unchangeable, unfixable. Forcefully pulling her eyes away from his, Neela turned her head in the opposite direction as she felt the warm tears spill softly onto her face.

Just as Neela could tell when Jamail was trying to stop himself from crying, Jamail could tell when Neela was trying to make sure no one saw her cry. It was one more aspect of their characters that they had in common—the reluctance to show weakness.

"Neela, I needed to see you…I needed to make sure you were okay…" _before something happens. I needed to make sure there was someone here to take care of you…_

Neela began sobbing quietly, her head now resting gently in her hands, unable to face the sibling that would leave her sooner than he should. She couldn't even bring herself to ask '_How much longer?_'

Jamail couldn't take seeing her like this. He moved to sit closer to her and slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Reacting to his touch, Neela looked up and enveloped him in a powerful hug as she sobbed over his shoulder. Failing to keep his promise not to cry, quiet tears of sorrow poured from his eyes as he tried to ingrain the sweet smell of his sister in his mind. He was crying more for Neela than in self-pity, but he had never faced the fact that this may be the last time he actually saw her. It killed him.

His moment of weakness lasted only a minute. _I need to be strong_, he reminded himself, and gently pulled himself out of Neela's tight grip. He locked his eyes onto hers as he said, "Neela, listen to me."

Neela was still crying, but the firmness and insistence in Jamail's voice unconsciously caused her to stop.

"I know this sounds stupid right now…but I promise you that everything's going to be okay." He nodded his head as if this gesture would make his words sink into Neela's brain, but she continued to look pained and lost as she listened.

"We have so much in common, Neela—have you ever thought about it? We're stubborn, hard-headed, athletic, smart…well, you're smart, anyway…and we love extra anchovies…" He was glad to see a weak smile spread across Neela's face in response to the one that now graced his. Jamail continued, "But most importantly we're both strong, Neela, don't you see? We can get through this…"

Neela didn't understand how her 14-year-old brother could be so compliant, so accepting. "How do you know? How do you know that Mum and Dad aren't going to fall apart…that I'm not going to fall apart…" She could feel hot tears burning her face yet again.

"Because I know you. I know this is hard but you're going to be okay…you will still be here for Mum and Dad even if I'm not…be strong for them, Neela, they need you."

"Yeah? Well we need _you_…Jamail, you're bloody 14 years old! This is so…unfair." More to herself than to Jamail, she quietly added, "It should've been me…"

Jamail could feel the anger rise in his throat. "Oh don't you start with that bullshit, Neela. You know as well as I do that guilt solves nothing…this is the way things are meant to be, we can't change that no matter how much we hope and pray that they were different." Suddenly regretting the reckless bout of anger he had let through, Jamail took Neela by the shoulders and repeated his declaration. "Everything is going to be okay."

Neela closed her eyes and let his voice wash over her, attempting to take in every word, every intonation. She believed in him—she always had—but Neela knew that this was different, that if she didn't begin to believe in his reassurances, she would completely lose herself. Despite his claim, Neela knew in her heart that Jamail was stronger than she was.

Pulling herself together, Neela repeated his statement more to herself than to Jamail, as if saying it out loud would finally let it sink into her consciousness. "Everything is going to be okay."

They sat, brother and sister, on the edge of the lake for what seemed to be hours, reveling in the colors of the sunset and the darkness of the waters below, calm and mysterious. For once, they didn't need to say anything; it was enough to be in each other's company.

The silence was broken on the ride home, a question burning in Jamail's mind that he couldn't seem to find his way around.

"Neela, are you going to tell Ray?" He didn't want to cause Ray the sort of pain that he had just witnessed Neela go through, and ideally it would be best if he didn't find out, but Jamail couldn't help but think that he _needed_ to know. He needed to know because of Neela—he needed to help her through this.

Neela's mind turned to Josh and the overwhelming agony in Ray's eyes as he had told her of the death of his younger brother. She couldn't cause him that sort of anguish all over again. "No, Jamail, I'm not going to."

Jamail chose his words carefully, not wanting to make it seem like he thought she couldn't deal with this on her own. He knew she could, but Ray needed to be that light at the end of the tunnel that he was sure she would see. "I think you should…" Seeing the incredulous look in Neela's eyes, he took another route to his goal. "At least promise me that you'll tell him when I leave then."

Again, Neela sat amazed at the incredible maturity Jamail exuded. _Always the protective brother… _"Alright."

Jamail felt better. "Good."

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

It was around seven o'clock by the time Jamail and Neela reached the apartment. Ray had just finished his shift and was busy preparing dinner in the kitchen when he heard the sound of the key in the lock and the swinging of the door.

He couldn't help but smile at the pair of them in their soccer outfits, Neela in a big sweatshirt and shorts, and Jamail in his Manchester United jersey and soccer uniform shorts.

"So who won?" Ray bellowed across the kitchen and into the living room.

Neela and Jamail looked at each other with confusion, both of them having forgotten that they had actually played soccer after the difficult conversation they had just had. In unison they cried, "It was a tie!"

Ray laughed, "Yeah right." He knew they were lying but he had no idea why. Lifting his eyes from the plates of pasta he was fixing, he noticed a hollowness to Jay's face that he hadn't seen before. And Neela…were her eyes red? _Has she been crying?_

Feeling slightly uneasy, Ray asked, "Hey, is everything okay?" He directed his question toward both of them, not knowing who would answer.

A little two quickly, Neela said, "Yeah everything's fine." As if to ward off any more questions, she added, "I'm a…I'm going to shower first, if that's okay with you, Jamail?"

"Yeah, yeah that's fine. Go ahead." Jamail was feeling anxious for Ray's probing eyes to leave his. He didn't realize how awkward this would be.

"Jay, you're sure everything's okay? Have you had anything to eat, man?" Ray was getting worried at the look on Jay's face—he looked lost, nervous, and dehydrated all at the same time.

"Uh no, I haven't actually…I'm starving—that looks great." He hoped his admission of hunger would put Ray's mind at ease.

"Alright, well as soon as you guys are ready we can have dinner. It's just about done anyway." Ray couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, something they weren't telling him. But like sister, like brother: he couldn't force it out of them.

They sat down to dinner less than 15 minutes later, both Neela and Jamail freshly-showered and exhausted. It was a quiet dinner—the quietest one since Jamail had first arrived, actually. Neela found it difficult to take part in the conversation, constantly feeling as if a sob would leave her lips if she so much as opened them. Jamail was doing his best to engage Ray in every subject that came to his mind; they talked about everything from cars to soccer to dream jobs. Jamail had not realized how difficult it would be knowing that Neela now knew what was happening. All he wanted to do when he looked at her was hold her and repeat his assertion that she would be fine. But that would be Ray's job now, and Jamail knew he would be there for her in a capacity that no one else could.

Ray's voice broke through Jamail's thoughts. "So you guys are still coming to the show tomorrow night, right?"

A wide grin spread across Jamail's face—he had been looking forward to it all week. "For sure. We'll be there." He felt the need to add the 'we' in order to bring Neela into the conversation; she couldn't stay this quiet all night or Ray would badger her with questions again.

Neela looked up and forced a smile on her face. "We wouldn't miss it."

"It's our last night together, after all." Ray wasn't the least bit surprised at the involuntarily melancholic tone of his voice as he said the last few words. In little less than a week he had found closure to the death of his brother, a newfound love, and a young friend that had virtually turned into a brother.

"I wouldn't say it's our last. Only until we meet again, which I'm sure we will." Jamail smiled at the two of them, a certainty to his words that somehow brightened the room just as his beaming face always did.


	6. Chapter 6

7

_Notes__: Hi! This is Chapter 6 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." I'm not sure how many more chapters this story will consist of, but be assured that there is definitely more coming. I welcome any and all criticism/writing tips/comments/reviews, so please let me know what you think! _

_Disclaimer__: If NBC and the writers really came after all of us for writing stories about characters they created, I would tell them that they need to spend less time getting on our backs and more time thinking of ways to make sure Ray and Neela end up together at the end of series. So to the dearly acclaimed "powers that be": I don't own ER—are you happy now?_

Neela spent the night in a maze of dreams that simultaneously haunted her and reassured her. She kept having visions of Jamail running through some sort of meadow—soccer ball at his feet—laughing and glancing behind him as if to look for Neela and see how close she was to catching up to him. Neela would awake to find her body covered in sweat, her sheets thrown to the floor, only to fall back asleep and have the same dream over again. Finally letting her frustrations get the better of her, she rose to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

As she tiptoed past the couch, Neela fought the urge to look down at Jamail's sleeping form; she couldn't look at him after their conversation, and yet at the same time felt the need to make sure he was still there, still in her life. She walked to the kitchen as fast as she could without making noise and grabbed a glass from the cupboard, only to hear Ray's door slowly open and his form appear in front of her in his boxers and socks. He was surprised to find Neela in the kitchen at this time of night—unlike him, Neela usually didn't get up for water. _Tea, maybe. Water, no._

Neela suddenly couldn't stop her eyes from roaming over to where Jamail lay sprawled on the couch, the same position she had found him in not more than a few nights ago: his arms wrapped contentedly around his pillow, just like Ray. Ray promptly caught the mixture of love and sorrow that passed across Neela's eyes.

"Neela, are you okay?" Again, Ray couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

She looked up into his worried green eyes and all at once experienced an immense need to feel his arms around her. Impulsively reaching out and burying her face into his shoulder, she said, "I don't want him to leave, Ray…I'm going to miss him so much."

Ray had found out just how close Neela and Jay were, but he was taken aback at the profound pain in Neela's voice. It somehow didn't seem like the pain of seeing a brother leave for a few months, or at the most, years. He tried to reassure her that it wouldn't be long before she saw him again.

"You can always go visit him in Britain, Neela…you'll see him again soon." He tightened his hold around her and gently kissed the top of her head. "Who knows? Maybe I'll come with you…"

At the detection of a smile in Ray's voice, Neela couldn't help but tease him just a little. "Oh yeah? Who says?"

"_I_ say. You can introduce me to your family…think how much fun that'll be." He knew it would take time for Neela's family to accept him, but the sooner he started getting to know them, the better. _Where was this coming from?_ He suddenly felt amazed at his own eagerness; Ray had never willingly wanted to meet any of his girlfriends' parents…not that they'd asked.

"If Jamail likes you, Mum and Dad will like you. It's guaranteed." Neela unconsciously closed her eyes as she felt a throbbing pain form in her throat, willing it to stop there. She didn't know if her heart ached more for the fact that Ray had found a brother in Jamail or that Jamail had found a brother in Ray. _I can see it in both of you and it kills me._

"Well I'm one step ahead, then, aren't I?" Ray felt reassured.

"Yeah, you are," Neela replied. She placed her head back onto Ray's bare chest and breathed in his familiar scent, warm and comforting at a time when she felt that everything in the world had turned upside down. Stroking Neela's hair as it lay gently on her shoulders, Ray felt the urge to say, "It's going to be okay." It was about the fifth time she had heard those words, but her mind somehow found it harder and harder for them to sink in.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Jamail awoke to the sound of cereal being poured into ceramic bowls, a sound that he had come to associate with Lucky Charms cereal over the course of the past week. A smile spread across his face as he watched Ray chow down his sugary treat. Hearing Jay fumble around on the couch, Ray called out, "Good morning, sunshine."

He sat up and—rubbing his eyes—replied, "Yeah, good morning to you, too. Since when do you get up before Neela?"

"Since she yelled at me for making her late all the time," Ray said with a sheepish grin.

Jamail laughed. "She can be pretty scary sometimes—I should know."

"Definitely." _Man, am I going to miss him_, Ray thought.

"So, are you coming to work with us?"

As exciting as another day watching Ray and Neela do cool procedures sounded to Jamail, he knew he had too much on his plate. "Umm, I think I'm gonna hang out at home today, if that's alright with you guys."

"Yeah, that's fine. I've got to go straight to the show from work to help set up, but I'll see you there. Neela's coming home to pick you up, though." Ray rose from his seat and proceeded to wash his dish rather than leave it in the sink like he had done so many times before.

"Awesome. I'll see you tonight, then." Jamail was excited already and it was barely light out. Just as his sister's door opened to reveal a ferociously groggy-looking Neela, Jamail hastily pulled the blankets back over his body and shut his eyes. The fewer chances he gave her to start crying, the better. Although puzzled at Jay's sudden reluctance to face his sister, Ray decided to let it drop. There were certainly things he had come to learn about the two of them, but Ray knew when not to push it. _They're like little kids,_ he thought, grinning to himself. Jamail's breathing calmed less than three minutes later as he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

The sun was shining brightly into the apartment by the time Jamail awoke, his body faint but his mind stunningly alert. He had so much to do today—laundry, packing, writing letters…_letters_. Jamail knew this would take the most time to actually complete, and not wanting to run out of time before Neela came home from work to pick him up, he pried himself up off the couch and began to tidy up the small mess he had created since spending his nights in Neela and Ray's living room. Astonished and slightly terrified by the sudden weakness in his knees, Jamail took a moment to steady himself before taking a deep breath. _I can do this. I'll be fine…but this is happening way too often…I could've sworn it wasn't this bad in Britain…_

Two hours later, Jamail was sitting on the same couch he had lovingly called his bed, drumming his pen on the notepad in front of him. He had finished everything except the letters, knowingly putting it off as soon as he found some other menial task to occupy his mind. Jamail was even dressed for the show tonight—in crisp jeans and a T-shirt that revealed a likeness to Ray's style, he looked the consummate teenager. _Now about these letters…_there was so much to say to both Neela and Ray that he didn't even know where to start. _I have to start somewhere_, he thought, as he held the pen firmly in his grip and began to scrawl the words on the page in his distinctive handwriting.

_Dearest Neela,_

_By the time you read this I will be flying somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, looking down at the dark blue water and wondering how incredibly wonderful and frightening life is. (That sounds awfully cheesy, doesn't it? Well, nothing like the loom of death to bring out the tacky side in all of us! I'm joking, Neela—you know my sense of humor is morbid.) Anyway…there are things I need to say, so here it goes._

_I am so grateful to have you, Neela. I never truly had the chance to tell you that (and I think it would probably be really awkward to say it out loud), but I just want you to know how much I love you. I never would have thought that you—my slightly insane but nevertheless lovely big sister—would end up in Chicago as an ER doctor. Watching you at work completely amazed me, and if things had been different, I feel certain that I would have followed in your footsteps. You'll just have to be enough of a doctor for the both of us, then, won't you?_

_This week has been so much more than I expected, and I've enjoyed every moment of it. After having been away for so long, it's nice to know that my sister hasn't changed a bit (actually, you have loosened up…I think that's Ray's doing). Speaking of Ray, don't do anything to chase him away—he's a nice guy. Oh and make sure he wears a tie the first time he meets Mum and Dad—that's very important. I know this is going to sound weird, but you two…you're going to be happy, Neela, I can feel it. _

_I will always be with you. Remember that, okay?_

_Always,_

_Jamail_

Mind and body drained, Jamail put down the pen and closed his eyes in an effort to keep the strength from flowing out of his hands. _One down, one more to go…_

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

As expected, Neela's day came off to a horrible start. In between the traumas, GSWs, and multiple car collisions, Neela didn't know if she had enough strength left in her to fight all the emotions and glaring thoughts roaming around in her mind. She thought she had let it all out last night, wrapped in Ray's arms and seemingly pouring her fears and sorrows into his body, but Neela couldn't stop the occasional stray tear from falling clumsily onto her cheek only to be hastily wiped away. And every time she caught herself giving in to her emotions, Neela would remind herself: _Not in front of Jamail…not in front of Jamail_. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice the invisible cloud that hung around her all day; as the end of her shift approached Neela felt the urge to run out the door, which she promptly did as soon as the clock hit seven.

Thirty minutes later, Neela was out of the shower and changing into her dress when Jamail's voice carried into her room from the kitchen. "Neela, we're going to be late if you don't haul your…" He was stopped by the sudden opening of Neela's door, one hand attempting to put on her heels and the other holding onto the dresser to make sure she didn't fall over in the process of doing so. Jamail laughed at the sight of her.

"Sorry. Don't hurt yourself; we've got enough time for you to put on shoes." Neela shot him a death glare, a smile spreading across her face.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically.

"No problem," he responded equally mischievously.

They were out of the door in less than ten minutes, both Jamail and Neela pulling on heavy jackets in the face of the fierce Chicago weather. After putting his on, Jamail unconsciously felt for the two envelopes lining the inside of his coat pocket. He didn't want to leave them in the apartment and then have either of them find their letter before they were meant to. They would get them at the airport—not any sooner.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"So Jay, you're leaving tomorrow?" Sam, Morris, and Pratt were all huddled around Jamail, drinks in hand and waiting for Ray's band to start.

"Yeah I am, unfortunately," Jamail replied, not even bothering to hide the sadness in his voice.

"Well it was nice having you around; I think you got the better half of the genes," Morris said as he gestured toward Neela standing less than five feet away.

"Hey, I heard that!" She said, knowing deep down that Morris was absolutely right.

Before the conversation could be taken any further, Ray's smooth voice graced the audience as the lights dimmed to little more than a glimmer.

"How's everybody feeling tonight?" Ray glanced over the sea of faces, looking for the group of about ten that he knew were coming. But it was two people in particular he needed to see, and sure enough, there they were—two mocha-colored faces with eager eyes and bright smiles adorning their features.

"This first one goes out to a very special friend—his name's Jay and he's leaving for Britain tomorrow, so we're going to show him how we do things here in Chicago." The roar of the small crowd drowned out the ferocious clapping coming from the middle of the floor where Jay, Neela, Sam, Abby, Morris, Luka, and Pratt were standing.

The sound of Ray's electric guitar rang out louder than most of the ER staff was used to, but despite the feeling that they were on their way to losing most, if not all, of their hearing, the ER group couldn't help but be impressed at the music flowing out of the band. The song Ray had begun to play specifically for Jay was 'Stay Free' by The Clash, a band that the both of them had on their mental 'Favorites' list. Ray's band covered it nicely…_actually, they sound better than The Clash!_ Jamail knew it was treason to even have such a thought, but he would allow himself this one indulgence.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to let out a big "Yeah!" Jamail's dizziness returned. Reaching out to whoever was standing next to him, Jamail attempted to steady himself before his knees gave out. Neela caught him just as he was about to touch the floor.

"Jamail!" _Oh please God, let him be okay…_

He had blacked out for the second time in two days. Neela's heart was pounding in her chest, her eyes glued to her brother's face as his young features seemed to stare back at her. _Jamail…_

"Someone call 9-1-1!" Her voice drowned out the whispers of the crowd now forming around them; Pratt and Luka were leaning over Jamail next to Neela, attempting to determine what had caused his sudden collapse while Abby franticly dialed the keys on her phone.

At the sound of Neela's voice, Ray immediately dropped his guitar and jumped off the stage to find his friends hovering over Jamail's seemingly lifeless form in Neela's arms.

"What happened?" was all that Ray could force out of his mouth. The scene was all too familiar.

Neela choked back a whimper as she said, "He's got a weak pulse…Abby called the ambulance—they should be here soon." Ray somehow felt she knew more than she was letting on. He hadn't pushed her before, but he needed to know now—it was imperative.

"Neela, you've got to tell us what's going on…"

The tears began streaming down Neela's face, her mouth unable to form the words that would betray his secret. _He just needs some time…he'll open his eyes, I know he will…_


	7. Chapter 7

5

_Notes__: Hi! This is Chapter 7 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." I apologize for the slightly shorter length than is usual, but I figured I would post what I have until I can find the time to write the rest. Thank you to anyone and everyone who has reviewed and/or read this story so far—you keep me going! _

_Disclaimer__: ER belongs to the knuckle-heads over at NBC._

"Neela! What's going on?" Ray repeated his request in a more urgent, slightly annoyed tone than he had used before. The knowing look in Neela's eye scared him. He had seen it in his terminal patients many times before, but he never thought that such an image would be reflected in her gaze. It was knowledge of the truth he saw and only then did he understand that something was horribly wrong.

The blaring sirens of the ambulance and subsequent footsteps of paramedics saved Neela from having to utter the words she couldn't bring herself to say.

Kneeling on the ground and directing his question to no one in particular, the sandy-haired EMT said, "How long has he been out?" while simultaneously checking Jamail's vital signs. The taller of the two paramedics was already busy wheeling the gurney toward the crowd.

Neela responded almost robotically, "Fifteen minutes." She hadn't taken her eyes off Jamail, fearing that the minute she did so he would somehow slip away. His rhythmically weak pulse was all that reminded Neela that he was still within her grasp.

"Do you know if he's on any medication? Does he have any medical conditions?" Jamail's body was covered in lines hooked up to various monitors, unaware that the wires he had so hated being chained to were once again contriving to tie him down.

_Does he have any medical conditions?_ The words seemed to ring endlessly in Neela's head. "He…he has an inoperable brain tumor. He's not taking any medication." And at those last words, Neela slowly turned her eyes away from her brother to look the EMT dead in the face. "He's only 14."

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Ray was pacing up and down the corridor of the ICU, intermittently running his fingers through his hair every five minutes until his hands became sticky with gel. He didn't know why he was pacing, only that it was the single thing he could do without feeling like his heart was going to jump out of his chest.

The initial shock of hearing Neela say the words 'inoperable brain tumor' had prevented Ray from actually comprehending the meaning behind them. In his mind, those words meant 'terminal illness,' but such a hollow and aloof phrase was used not because doctors like Ray didn't care for their patients; it was a defense mechanism, a detachment device. As the seemingly endless moments passed while Jamail had been placed on the gurney—his T-shirt torn and wires protruding from every corner of his bare chest—the flicker of truth he had seen in Neela's eyes finally began to reveal itself. 'Terminal illness' had turned into 'Jay is dying.'

It was at that exact moment, the immediate realization that his friend—Neela's brother—was fighting an uphill battle—that Ray was plunged into an anxiety attack on the scale of the powerfully intense ones he had experienced so often ten years ago. He was gasping for air, his hand clutching at his chest at the throbbing rapidity of his heartbeat. Neela was already in the ambulance truck with Jamail, unaware that the wound she had helped heal was now ripped open for everyone to see. Morris and Abby had helped Ray calm down enough to slow his breathing and were subsequently barred from asking any questions by Ray's insistently firm "I'm fine."

And now here he was, pacing up and down the hallway, the sound of his shoes echoing off the walls as if he was the only one in the entire hospital who couldn't sit still. It was three o'clock in the morning and Neela was sitting next to her brother's bed in the ICU, her eyes refusing to move an inch from his seemingly sleeping form in front of her. Abby and Sam had stayed until midnight, each of them in turn asking Neela if she needed anything before they went home. Morris and Pratt took turns attempting to reassure Neela that the chance of Jamail coming out of his coma was good, that there was hope. Luka had given Neela's shoulder a quick squeeze and said all that he wanted to say with that simple gesture. And Ray? All Ray could do was pray that every time he passed Neela sitting quietly in Jay's room, he didn't sink into the darkness of another attack. What was worse, the roaring in his ears and the voice that had haunted him less than a week ago was now louder than ever.

_I hate being sick, Ray. It's like I can't do anything—I can't play sports, I can't hang out with my friends—without feeling like something's going to happen. _

_Nothing's going to happen, Josh, you don't have to be scared all the time. I mean, we hang out and nothing's ever happened, right?_

_Yeah but, I feel okay when I'm with you—you don't look at me with that pathetic look of pity in your eyes like Dad does. _

_Listen, you're going to be fine, alright? You can do whatever you want to, don't listen to Dad…hey, you never showed me your new-and-improved free throw shot. Did all my hard work pay off?_

_YOUR hard work? I busted my balls to get it perfect while you stood over my shoulder and yelled "What the hell was that?" every five seconds! 'YOUR hard work' my butt._

As the roaring faded away, Ray could feel his heart begin to race yet again and the air swiftly leave his lungs. Not wanting to make a scene in the hallway, he quickly walked to the doctor's lounge and shut the door behind him. Placing one hand against the back of the door and the other on his chest, Ray felt his body involuntarily bend over. The attack lasted as long as usual, his breathing having calmed to an almost normal level within a few minutes. But there was one difference: Ray straightened to find that his face was wet with tears.

The overwhelming sense of desperation he felt left him with a pain in his soul that was unfathomable; he had lost one brother only to find out that he was about to lose another. And just as he had failed to provide the comfort that his mother had needed in order to feel that all was not lost, Ray had seemingly now failed to provide that same comfort to Neela. He could do nothing but let the tears stream down his face as sorrow mixed with regret in a bottomless pool.

It was at this moment that Chuny gently opened the door. "Ray?"

He cleared his throat and answered without lifting his head, "Yeah…"

"…I tried to give these to Neela but she didn't…I thought maybe you could take them for her? It's Jamail's jacket and wallet…"

"Uh yeah, you can leave it on the table, I'll get it." Ray quickly wiped his face while Chuny turned to place Jamail's belongings on the small table in the lounge. As she stood opposite him again, Ray could see from the look on her face that there was more she intended to say.

"These fell out of his jacket…one of them is addressed to you." Chuny held the two white envelopes out to Ray, her gaze falling over his disheveled state. He looked up, and seeing Chuny's hand reaching out to him, Ray took the envelopes with a mixture of confusion and trepidation. He was still standing fixed to his spot when the sound of the door closing behind Chuny brought him out of his state of disorientation.

Without a thought, Ray began to gently tear open the envelope on which his name was so uniquely written.

_Dear Ray,_

_I know what you're probably thinking: a letter? Are you kidding? Yeah well, what can I say, I'm a dork. There are some things that are better said on paper than spoken out loud, and if I don't write you a letter they may never get spoken at all. _

_So first things first: there are some things about Neela you need to know. Now don't get scared, it's nothing bad—just a few tips that might make your life a bit…easier._

_1. If she's yelling at you, NEVER tell her to calm down. It will only infuriate her and cause more yelling, so just look at her and pretend you're listening. (An occasional nod of the head helps, too.) When she's all out of things to say, she'll either walk off or she'll feel so bad for yelling at you that she'll apologize on the spot. Either way, you'll be off the hook by the next morning._

_2. If you find her staring at you with her eyebrows furrowed, that means she wants to say something but keeps changing her mind about whether to say it or not. Sometimes she'll bite her lip, too—that means whatever she wants to say is particularly important. It helps if you ask her what's on her mind; she'll spill her beans in no time._

_3. You've probably noticed by now that when she cries she covers her face with her hands. She absolutely hates it when people see her cry because she hates feeling weak and not being in control of her emotions. The only thing you can do is hold her—don't look at her, don't say anything, just hug her and she'll be fine. If you try to do anything else, she'll just end up yelling at you._

_4. Her favorite color is dark blue. Favorite flowers are lilies. Favorite animal is a turtle. I have no idea how that helps, but maybe someday it'll come in handy._

_5. And now here's THE SECRET: just smile at her. I swear, all you have to do is randomly smile at her throughout the day and she turns into a much nicer person. And she makes better tea when she's smiling…don't ask me how I know that._

_Okay, I hope that helps. Now to other things…_

_When I said that Neela talks about you all the time, I meant it. And now I see why. I don't mean to get all sappy, but this week has been so much fun that I have to say I hope I miss my flight tomorrow! Thanks for everything. It's nice having a sister, but I'm glad I know what it's like to have a brother, too._

_I don't know if Neela has told you what's going on yet, but please forgive me for not telling you myself—I feel like I've caused so many people pain that I didn't want to add you to the list. I feel better knowing that you'll be there for her when it happens. Stay strong for her, okay? (Sorry, this is turning into a really depressing letter…)_

_Alright, I think I'm going to stop here before the violin players start playing their wretchedly sad music…how about something by The Clash? _

_I'll be seeing you,_

_Jay_


	8. Chapter 8

5

_Notes__: Hi! This is Chapter 8 of "Airplanes & Hospitals." Sorry it's taken me a while to update, but I hope you enjoy reading this chapter. I very much appreciate all the reviews from last chapter and the chapters before that—you rock (you know who you are)! There may be an epilogue..._

_Disclaimer__: I do not own ER._

_Previously on "Airplanes & Hospitals"__: The ER staff is at Ray's show when Jamail collapses; everyone finds out that he has a brain tumor. They take him to the hospital where he falls into a coma. Ray's anxiety attacks return, preventing him from providing Neela the comfort he knows she needs. Chuny finds Jamail's letters and gives them to Ray, who reads the one addressed to him. (For the content of the letter, please see Chapter 7.)_

As his eyes traveled down the letter in his hand, Ray looked up to find that a smile was slowly spreading across his face. The warm and mischievous nature of Jay's character had spilled onto the very sheet of paper Ray was now holding, and he couldn't help but feel that it was contagious. It was as if in a split second all of the agony, pain, and regret in Ray's soul had been wiped away, only to reveal a beast that was breathing newfound life into his formerly withered and limp body.

_Stay strong for her, okay?_ Jay was counting on him—on Ray—to be Neela's guiding light in a time when all she could see was death and darkness around her. He was counting on Ray to show her that for every life that is taken, another is made. He was counting on Ray to be the one to say, "It's going to be okay" when Jay couldn't do it himself, and Ray would be damned if he was going to let his own fears, his own anxieties, get in the way of him doing just that. For Jay…for Josh…for Neela…he would be there.

As Ray stepped out of the lounge and began walking toward the ICU, he somehow felt certain that his anxiety attack of just ten minutes ago was to be his last.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Neela was hunched over in her chair next to Jamail's bed, her eyes glued to his face and her hand clutching his, her thumb stroking the smooth skin resting under her own. She had been sitting like this for hours, her own mind unaware of time or space; she would sit here until he opened his eyes. Not even the click of the door or the sound of Ray's familiar footsteps caused her to stir.

Ray slowly walked toward Jamail and gingerly sat on a corner of the hospital bed just inches away from Neela's chair. He could see she had been crying, her eyes reflecting the restless state of her mind and the pain deep within her soul.

"How's he doing?"

She couldn't bring herself to look into Ray's bright green eyes; she knew that he was probably in as much pain as she was in, but she just didn't have the strength to see it staring her dead in the face. Keeping her gaze fixed on Jamail, Neela suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to talk.

"I was 13 when he was born and all I could think was, 'What could we possibly ever have in common?' And then, there in that hospital room, I held him in my arms and it was as if he was telling me, 'It doesn't matter if we have anything in common or not—you're my sister. Period.'"

Neela's eyes narrowed as an unwelcome memory flooded her thoughts. "I was babysitting him one night when my parents were out. He was 3 years old, and we were just sitting on the couch watching some Disney movie and eating my secret stash of Skittles I kept in the sock drawer. Right when he popped in a red one he started laughing, and in no time it was stuck in his airway..." Neela paused to wipe away the tear that had found its way onto her cheek.

"He was turning blue before my head was straight enough to give him abdominal thrusts...the Skittle flew out on the fourth try but...I was so frightened, Ray, it was as if the world was spinning and it was my fault."

"See but I knew what to do and now...I feel so helpless. The fear is there but the ability to do something about it isn't, and it's killing me. And all I can do is keep thinking, 'I should have done something, maybe if I had gone home...or if I had brought Jamail here with me, or..."

Ray couldn't take seeing Neela torture herself like this. He had done it to himself too many times to let her make his mistake all over again. When he spoke, it was with the wisdom of a person who had seen a brother die young because of a disease that neither he nor Josh nor anyone else could have prevented.

"Josh and I were playing football one day in the backyard. He had been feeling better lately and we hadn't really hung out that week, so we figured it would be okay. Everything was fine until about thirty minutes into it—I threw a long one and Josh ran to catch it. He stopped right at the base of where the football was about to fall, and the tip of the football dug right into the pit of his stomach, knocking the air out of lungs. He couldn't breathe for almost a minute. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life." It was Ray's turn to pause as more and more images flashed through his mind.

"He was fine after a few minutes, but my dad...he had never yelled at me so badly as he did that day. And he started saying things like, 'If you were more careful, maybe he would've been better by now,' and all this crap that made me feel like it really was my fault. That feeling didn't go away until a few days ago." Ray's voice held a hint of warmth as he whispered the last sentence.

"Josh was still kneeling on the ground when my dad finally walked off into the house. He just looked at me with the widest grin I've ever seen and said, 'Nice throw.'" A weak smile not unlike that of his brother spread across Ray's face at the image of Josh grinning from ear to ear. He turned to Neela and with an invisible strength said, "It's not your fault, Neela. There's nothing you could've done."

For the first time since Ray had come into the room, Neela looked up into his warm and compassionate eyes and seemed to fall deeper into the web of love he had engulfed her in. She knew he was right—it wasn't her fault. But that didn't make the pain go away.

Still looking into his eyes she whispered, "He's my little brother, Ray." Silent tears poured down her face.

Ray whispered back, "I know." Ray slowly moved his hand and placed it gently on top of Neela's, his thumb caressing her skin just as Neela's other hand was stroking Jamail's. It was precisely at this moment that the monitor began beeping loudly. Jamail's heart had stopped beating.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"Jamail!" Neela burst out at the sound of the monitor and the flat line on the screen. Ray was on top of the bed and doing CPR within seconds, his eyes shifting back and forth between the monitor and Neela. His heart was racing, but he knew this wasn't an anxiety attack—it was the beating of a heart filled with pain and concern, but more importantly, it was the beating of a heart that knew its purpose in the weeks to come.

The ICU nurse had rushed in to take over doing CPR just as Neela's state worsened. Ray managed to catch her just as she collapsed onto the floor in sobs, her hands covering her face—just as Jay said they would. All he could do was sit on the floor with her, his arms encasing her small body as if in a cocoon and his cheek resting on top of her head. A tiny tear escaped his eye and somehow found its way onto Neela's cheek.

Thirty minutes later, no progress had been made. The ICU nurses were taking turns performing CPR, but when it seemed that nothing more could be done, the doctor looked at Neela and quietly said, "We're going to stop now." As the chest compressions stopped the monitor was promptly disconnected, silencing the loud beeping that had drowned out the sound of Neela's sobs. Ray moved to cradle her head in his arms as she collapsed into him. Jay's words rang through his ears: _The only thing you can do is hold her_. He would do just that.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

It was 5 am and Ray was sitting in the chair previously occupied by Neela just a few hours earlier. He had taken Neela to the doctor's lounge, where he stayed with her until she fell asleep on the couch in her own state of weariness. She had wanted to stay in the room until they took Jamail away, but the thought of Neela sobbing any more than she already had worried Ray; she would make herself sick. He had taken advantage of her exhaustion to convince her to go to the doctor's lounge, himself surprised that she actually listened.

After placing a blanket over her curled up body Ray had come to Jay's room, where he was still lying on the bed but without the many wires and monitors looming over him. Ray was sitting with Jay's stuff in his lap, the letter in his back pocket. He had come to say goodbye.

"...I'm glad that the last song you heard was something by The Clash—no sad violin music, right?" Ray let out a weak chuckle at the memory of Jay's face when his band began the first few notes of 'Stay Free.'

"You're something, man, you know that? I've never met someone so young and so well-rounded at the same time. Neela's really proud of you." He paused just long enough to catch the breath he had somehow lost.

"You remember when you asked me if I believe in heaven? And you said that if you do, then there's this hope that someday you'll see your loved ones again..."

He cleared his throat before beginning again. "My brother died when he was 14 and I never thought that I'd be the same person again. I never thought that maybe someday, I would be able to hug him again and tell him that I loved him, but you made me realize that no one ever really dies. Not if we don't let them. In trying to forget Josh, I had let him die within me; now, he's alive again. Just as you'll always be alive—in Neela, in your parents, in your friends, and in me."

Ray turned his thoughts to Neela as he said, "Neela will be fine, I promise. I'll take care of her—you'll kick my ass if I don't, right?" He laughed at their conversation of a few nights ago. "I'll keep your 'don't-mess-with-my-sister-I'm-a-black-belt' speech in mind." His face turned serious again. "I know we're gonna be okay."

As he rose from his chair and took one last look at Jay's youthful face, he said, "Look for Josh when you get up there. I think you guys would be friends." He smiled at the thought of Josh and Jay arguing about which Clash album was the all-time best one.

Ray walked slowly to the door and turned around before opening it. Remembering Jay's letter and the last words he wrote before signing his name, Ray said softly, "I'll be seeing you."


	9. Epilogue

_Notes__: Hi! This is the Epilogue—I truly hope you enjoy it. (Sorry it's a bit short.) Thank you to everyone who has read this story, and please know that it is you who keep me going. _

_Disclaimer__: ER has made my heart break into a million tiny pieces. That has nothing to do with the fact that I don't own the show or its characters, but I just had to say it anyway._

"Don't run, J.J, you're going to hurt yourself!" Ray called after his five-year-old, knowing full well that all the admonitions in the world couldn't tame the mischievous streak in his blood. At times it drove him crazy, but despite the frustration, it was the quality he most loved about his son—the twinkle in his intense, green eyes was enough to melt his heart.

Hearing his father call after him, J.J. slowed down just enough to make it look like he was listening. His Mum had given him one-third of the flowers to take to his uncle's resting place, and he was going to be the first to put it there. J.J. had heard so much about his Uncle Jamail that he sometimes felt as if he were there with them. He was only five, but the thoughts that ran through his mind were of a much deeper nature. Reaching the tombstone that read 'Jamail Rasgotra. Loving son, brother, and friend.' J.J. kneeled on the ground and gently placed the flowers on top of the smooth marble. Seeing his Mum and Dad slowly walking toward him from a distance, and knowing that now was the only time he and his uncle could have a private conversation, J.J. began.

"Guess what, Uncle Jamail? I started preschool yesterday and you know what the kids call me? They call me 'Jay,' just like you! They think one 'J.' is enough." He smiled.

"Me, Mum, and Dad went to a soccer match on Saturday and we got to sit really close to the field—it was so much fun! We had food and cotton candy, and Mum told me that in Britain you and her used to play soccer and that she would beat you. (I don't think that's true.) I asked Dad if I could play next year, and he said yeah." A glow lit up his face at the thought of running onto the field to the sound of applause just like the players he had seen.

J.J. was stirred out of his daydream by the sound of his parents' footsteps; he quickly rose from the ground as they reached him. Seeing the newly-acquired grass stains on her son's khakis, Neela couldn't help but vent in frustration, "Joshua Jamail Barnett, can you go anywhere without getting dirty?" J.J. hung his head and looked down at his shoes the moment Neela furrowed her eyebrows.

"Sorry, Mum. I'll be careful." He looked up into her eyes with the most brilliant puppy-dog face he could muster, and Neela couldn't stop a smile from slowly spreading across her own face. Shaking her head, she ruffled his soft, dark-brown hair and mentally chastised herself for being so weak. Her son was quite the charmer. _I wonder who he got that from?_ she thought while stealing a glance at Ray, who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts as he stared at the name engraved in stone in front of him.

Neela took her place next to Ray and stood with J.J. in front of her, her hands on his shoulders as she thought of the brother she so dearly loved. What would he say if he saw the three of them now? _I told you so?_ In his letter to her he had said, _I know this is going to sound weird, but you two…you're going to be happy, Neela, I can feel it. _And he was right. Neela had never been happier than in this point in her life—Ray was still her best friend, and she was incredibly grateful to have found a husband in him. Not a day went by when she didn't look at him and secretly thank God that he was hers forever. Neela didn't know it, but Ray secretly did the same every night before he draped his arms around her. And J.J.? She liked to call him her 'little light'. The moment she first held him in her arms and placed a kiss ever-so-lightly on his fingers, she realized that this was what life was about. Ray and Neela's love had become complete.

J.J. was a rolling ball of thunder and she loved it. He was playful and mischievous, a mixture of Ray and Jamail's personalities. He was bright and articulate, a trait that Ray said he got from Neela, but that Neela said he got from her grandfather. But most importantly, he was caring and affectionate toward those around him—something Josh was known for—and it was this that allowed him to get away with things that five-year-olds normally didn't get away with. The light in his big green eyes—a characteristic that Josh, Jamail, and Ray shared—lit up the room as if to announce his presence. Anyone seeing him for the first time could tell that he truly was a combination of Ray and Neela—the light olive skin, Neela's warm smile, and Ray's disarming looks all served to make him the cutest five-year-old on this side of town.

Personality-wise, J.J. was clearly his Dad's main man. The best part of Ray's day consisted of putting on one of his many classic albums and teaching J.J. how to play the easy parts on the guitar. The pride in his heart at hearing those notes played back to him was enough to make his chest swell. When he and Neela had first brought J.J. home, he was more than frightened at the enormous task ahead of them. What if he made a mistake? What if he didn't know what to do? But over time, Ray had overcome his anxieties and learned to enjoy every moment. He never thought he'd say it, but he loved being a father.

"Dad, when are we going to visit Grandma in Philadelphia so we can take flowers to Uncle Josh, too?" Just as with Jamail, J.J. had heard so much about his Uncle Josh that he felt as if he had known him forever, and he was eager to tell him all the latest news from preschool.

"Soon, I promise." Ray smiled down at J.J. and clasped his shoulder. He looked over at Neela and found that she was smiling at the two of them, giving a light nod to signal that she was ready to go. Taking her hand in his own, he led Neela and J.J. away from the place where a little part of each of their souls was left to be with Jamail. Jamail had taught them to live life to the fullest, to enjoy every moment, and to always keep those you hold dear in your heart. There was no other lesson Ray and Neela lived more fully.


End file.
